This blog has come to the end of its life.

My problem is I desperately want to be the panacea for everybody's pain, when in actual fact, I don't have what it takes to do that.

I am so angry with myself.

My dearest, dearest Axinar (John Kennedy),

I just heard the news. And I am having trouble believing it.

John, how can you be gone? This is so surreal...a world without you. Although we hardly speak as much as we used to, you were always gonna be inmy life.

I've always had that picture in my head...the one where you said that after all my adventures, I was gonna end up knocking on your door with my kid some day, asking you to take us in. ... We laughed about it all the time, Ax...and now you're gone. Whose door would I knock on now?

I remember how you wanted me to come up to school there. I remember how we first met. I remember our phone conversations. I remember so many things now and it's fucking bringing tears to my eyes. John, you finally did it. You made me cry.

Just yesterday I was wondering...how come John doesn't comment in my blog anymore... and today, Diana informs me that you're gone.

I hope you mom and you dad are okay. I hope Diana will be okay. I cannot imagine what she'll be going through.

I can't..I can't do this. I can't say goodbye. I won't say goodbye.

What I'll say is... you will always have a very special place in my heart. You'll be missed, love.


The Goddess Of Kuala Lumpur (you christened me, remember?)

u know what i am tired of?

i am tired of being the substitute.

the second best.

the could have been.

the best fuck you ever had who isn't wife material.

the soulmate you could never be with.

the one who tries and tries and tries to make it all worth it for all of you but then ends up falling flat on her face.

i'm not gonna be that girl anymore.

i'm giving all of you the finger. go fuck a tree, assholes.


i don't love you. i don't love any of you anymore.

i am at home.

i am writing a story.

desperately wishing that i am pregnant and not just feeling these things because my hormones are out of whack (which they are because the damn test turned out negative).

i've got u2's |throw|your|arms|around|the|world| playing in the background.

and i am mighty amused at the fact that M has named sharifah, sherry.

you're not here.

i wish you'd....sing me to you.

go on. sing me to you.

i miss you.

the heart aches but we must be strong

spotted a
turqouise,
clutch

@ robinson's

will i own it
by nightfall?





lunched @ the gardens today. i was wondering if there was any possibility of us running into each other.

but even if we did, should i come say hi to you? i think i want to leave that up to you. whatever you're comfy with.

whatever you're comfy with. i'm a girl who goes with the flow.

Three years ago, on this day I became your wife.

You asked me last night if I had any regrets. In true Anu fashion, I said, "no comment."

But I have none. No regrets. It is all as it should be. We have some lessons to teach each other and I am open to learning.

I love you.